Oh boy, here we go.
Wait, am I missing something?
Never made it past Day 16 or so, found it very boring and moreover, bore absolutely zero resemblance to dating, or love, or sex, or anything I’ve experienced. (And truthfully, I only made it that far ‘cause I knew so many of you loved it — I figured there had to be SOMEthing there. Er … not for me.)
I find most things that “Hollywood” makes to be rather boring.
Yeah, makes sense.
Congrats, savvy strangers!
You did It!
I hate this blog/experiment so much. I have been reading it and it seriously rubs me the wrong way each day. I am newly in a relationship- eight months and counting. And in that time, I have learned a lot of things about myself and relationships in general. First off, the girl kind of strikes me as a fantasy/love addict type who has codependency tendencies. The guy is your typical “I had one bad breakup in my early 20s and now I am afraid of all intimacy” emotionally stunted arrested development commitment phobic NYC guy. These two do not need couples therapy, they need individual therapy to work on their attachment issues. Relationships are no fucking joke. Being in my first LTR, I have literally had to confront and work through ever issue I have ever had. I think it’s kind of a joke that these two created this site and are essentially acting out our their shit on each other. 40 days is not how long it takes to find yourself committed. The first 60 are just about getting to know each other. After you decide to become official, the next 90 days are where the real relationship begins. And if it works, every day is this new opportunity to wake up and recommit myself to this person who essentially might never change. My boyfriend and I work hard to balance our personal lives with the time we share with each other. We support each other as we each work on ourselves, sometimes our paths overlap but others, he goes through things I have no understanding of.
Through this experience, I have read a lot of books on how relationships work, what makes a successful relationship and applied those in my daily life. This is the best advice I have gotten thus far. In each relationship, there’s you, the other person and the relationship. It’s like a three legged stool. You have 2/3, the other person has 2/3 and the relationship has 2/3. In order for the relationship to have 2/3, you and the other person put in a 1/3. So while, 1/3 of yourself goes into the relationship, you keep the other 2/3 for yourself- working on you, what you want out of life, where you want to go. And at the end of the day, after you go through your respective lives, you and the other person come together to support and soothe each other.
It just feels like such a joke that these two are doing this. My therapist once said to me that if I really wanted a boyfriend, I would have one. And you know, she was fucking right. The reason I was single for most of my 20s was because I was too immature and too damned judgmental to have any kind of real understanding of what made love and relationships work. If you are seriously critiquing the kind of shoes your date shows up in, then I would say you have exactly what you want- that fun swinging singles life. Real people require love, acceptance, compassion, understanding and more importantly- Authenticity. I wouldn’t trust anyone with my vulnerability who couldn’t fucking accept my god damned choice in shoes. But this is just my experience, strength and hope. Because relationships require intimacy and to be intimate, you need to be available and vulnerable. That’s just how it works.